So raw and beautiful. You tapped into so many feelings I’ve hidden throughout the years (so many versions I removed!) in an effort to be more likable, palatable, perfect.
I especially liked where you share: “There’s the joy I poisoned in my twenties because happiness felt dangerous. I didn’t know how to hold it, so I drowned it like a setup, like the universe’s favorite punchline. I learned to brace for disaster the moment things felt good, to kill it before life could kill it for me.” It’s fascinating how we can create our own upper limits on happiness, given the stories that are shared amongst us.
Writers like you are showing us that we can change these narratives, we can teach others what’s possible (and perhaps heal our younger self while we’re at it).
I appreciate this so much, Anna. 😊 It’s true, many of us end up protecting ourselves from joy more than from pain. That self-imposed limit you mentioned, I think many of us carry it without realizing. Thank you, I’m glad you’re healing from these patterns too.
When I was at school, I was cutting myself loose from a side arm that would believe what others said to me at school. It turned out that one of the thin roots still remained connected as a black thread underneath, until learning how to dig that out and let it dry in the sunshine of better experiences.
This was hard to read in the best way
It was hard to write too. Thank you for reading, I truly hope it welcomed some reflection ☺️
So raw and beautiful. You tapped into so many feelings I’ve hidden throughout the years (so many versions I removed!) in an effort to be more likable, palatable, perfect.
I especially liked where you share: “There’s the joy I poisoned in my twenties because happiness felt dangerous. I didn’t know how to hold it, so I drowned it like a setup, like the universe’s favorite punchline. I learned to brace for disaster the moment things felt good, to kill it before life could kill it for me.” It’s fascinating how we can create our own upper limits on happiness, given the stories that are shared amongst us.
Writers like you are showing us that we can change these narratives, we can teach others what’s possible (and perhaps heal our younger self while we’re at it).
I appreciate this so much, Anna. 😊 It’s true, many of us end up protecting ourselves from joy more than from pain. That self-imposed limit you mentioned, I think many of us carry it without realizing. Thank you, I’m glad you’re healing from these patterns too.
When I was at school, I was cutting myself loose from a side arm that would believe what others said to me at school. It turned out that one of the thin roots still remained connected as a black thread underneath, until learning how to dig that out and let it dry in the sunshine of better experiences.
It’s really scary how deep-rooted beliefs can linger until we choose to face and reframe them. Thank you for sharing this Daniela.😊